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"Get a Grip" Moments

posted by Lucy V Morgan on ,


I think everyone has their "get a grip" moments, but mine have been particularly pretentious and smug of late, and thus may function as entertainment. Prepare for much mocking of class stereotypes/general snobbery.

1) "Oh no! No room in the spa after I've finished swimming! I'm going to ache all evening, grump, grump."

That's right, dear readers. I had to endure going straight from the pool to the shower one day last week with no steam room, sauna or jacuzzi to soothe my you-shouldn't-swim-for-a-whole-hour-then-should-you? aches and pains. It was absolutely murderous, I tell thee. (But I have learned not to bother with the gym in the evenings since it's full of people hotter than me. And faster than me, apparently).

2) "I have no idea what to do with this venison. Casserole? Pie? Stew, stew. Will it work? Wait...that's actually quite nice. Tragedy averted!"

I encountered a serious speciality meat-related problem earlier. I really did panic that it'd end up wasted for a moment or two. Then it occurred to me that if venison is my biggest problem, life probably isn't that bad.

3) "There are people who don't know who Patrick Bateman is? Really? This happens? The world is not aware of American Psycho? I am a tortured and misunderstood artist..." [Adjusts beret]

This occurred when I referenced dear Patrick in a manuscript and my editor wasn't sure who he was. After I'd stroked my chin for a few minutes and possibly furrowed my brow, I realised that that it was possible some people hadn't encountered the works of Brett Easton Ellis, and to be surprised at such might make me worryingly like that postmodernism lecturer I hated with a passion at uni. You'll be pleased to hear that I have now revoked the policy of not talking to people if they haven't read The Intentional Fallacy.

What are your "get a grip" moments?


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