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Confessions of a Virgin Blogger

posted by Lucy V Morgan on ,


That's right -- this is my very first blog. Squee! Shiny!

I've been online for a long time, and I've been writing for longer. There are good reasons why I have never blogged before, and it seems appropriate to run through them in order to rationalise with my inner-friction. So sit tight, ready your popcorn and prepare to croon in mock sympathy as I give you: 

1) I will look self absorbed

When you post anything online, there's an implication that somebody else will be interested in what you have to say. I can't help but notice the arrogance in that, even when it's not a bad thing or not always true. Is there an ego behind every blog with yellowing canines and a mouthful of drool, hissing feed me! Feed me! ? (Let's hope not. That's scary). I have yet to read many blogs that strike me as such, so fingers crossed that I don't turn into one.

2) Nobody will read it

This is linked intrinsically with point one: what if I'm posting and posting and wearing out keyboard number three (I know, poor laptop. Le sigh), and not a soul is reading it? Will that look professional? Suspicious? Just a bit sad? My new mantra is: this does not matter. (Does it? Wibble!)

3)  Lots of people will read it

...and thus I will feel all this pressure to be interesting, witty, relevant and prolific. My ego will drool through the afformentioned keyboard. Blogging feels rather dangerous in this regard.

4) I will have to network and promote myself, and ohmygodthisallseemsabitserious!

I've been reading about promoting myself as a writer, and it seems like awfully hard work. Not that I'm against such labour, but I worry that it's a) a little premature, given that I haven't published a novel (yet!) and b) I'm not even quite sure what my "brand" is. Who do you target? What do you avoid? I'm going to have to stop swearing, aren't I?


And I'm going to have to stop talking about sex...wait, no. No. I can't write about sex without talking about it! And I write about it a lot.

5) I will lose all self awareness

...and say something stupid that important people might read. I'll be sued. I'll be blacklisted. No invite to the Royal wedding etc. It will be like my boss finding naked pictures of me online, only worse. Do you know how hard it is to censor opinions that spring up like spambots? Hard! (I should clarify that not all my opinions are awful; nobody likes the taste of foot in mouth, though). Then there's the possibility of awful typos or badly spelled words: #cringe.

So there you have it; my five blogging fears. If you ever felt the same way then I hope they have brought you some comfort; if you're laughing, I hope all your hair falls out.*

*Not really. But God, it's hard not to snark...waaah...


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